I have a family living in Philippines that I send money to. Jobelle Alaysa, also my partner with hopes that she will be my partner for life! I have an issue though but first let’s go back when we first met.
When I met my partner, I was so impressed. For somebody who did not have a job, who did not have any money as resource to do anything she wanted, she did amazingly well. She could make things move here and there and was filled with hopes.
She just stopped studying then because her mother could not afford to send her to school. She was extremely disappointed about that and I could hear that disappointment over the phone. I offered my help. I told her, I’ll pay for all the school bills and other expenses she may have and she gladly accepted it. But when we finally met in person. This has changed, she wanted a family instead. I encouraged her to finish schooling first – she only had a year left with her university studies. But she was so insistent on having family first. So we did. Obviously, I would then be sending money for the family instead of schooling.
And that’s where the problems started.
Sending money to Philippines or anywhere for that matter where you send more than enough. The person you send money to, becomes dependent on you. When I spoke to my partner about this then, our idea of sending money was for her to use those resources not only on family needs but to also continue whatever she was thinking of doing. To me it was little money to help her move along further. 500 Australian dollars is about 20,000 pesos or there about. Living in provinces, this seems to be OK. In fact it was more than OK because, it got to the point where, my partner was not doing anything else. I gave her too much so that she doesn’t have to do anything!
What I noticed later in our relationship and so did her mum, was that she became so dependant that she did nothing. I read or may have heard it on a radio about how some of the rich folks would give their kids some money but is limited. What they were doing was this. Give their kids enough money so they can do some things but not too much where they would do nothing.
Evidently, in my case, I gave my partner too much where she did nothing. At some point her mother and I were talking and we both agreed this was my doing. I trained her to be so dependant on me by giving her too much that she did not have to lift her game. I wanted this changed but he habit was already there. It was hard and still hard to change it to this day.
The point that I am trying to make here is this. We all love our families and would do just about anything for them. For growing families with some potentials, we need to understand that the money being sent by your partners is meant to be used wisely. They were meant to be used so you can move along and not supposed to become dependant on you.