Following Your Instincts

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This is a post that I wrote a while back. I have been hesitating publishing this post out of respect and perhaps this friend of mine might get upset about it—ego and pride aside I hope if she reads this she won’t get upset. As a Filipino Living In Australia, I can tell you life here is not as cosy as those in Philippines might think. No we are not a bank and no we don’t have loads of money. We actually work for what we own. Sometimes we even think that life in Philippines is much better than that here in Australia. Life in Philippines is simple and not as complex. Whenever we go to Philippines we somewhat feel relax and things are easy over there—with the help of Australian currency of course. I am currently helping certain somebody in Philippines not because of poverty, but because it is what my heart telling me to do. No strings attached. Just the right thing to do.

Photography: Monika Thorpe

Photography: Monika Thorpe

This post is not about that though, but there is somewhat a form of relationship to it if you can relate to it. If not, I guess, it’s just the way I think. Jobelle Alaysa, or should I rather say, it Jobelle Chong who will be married to Jimson Chong—her sister, like many Filipinos is somewhat under the weather. Though it is not my responsibility, I am there for her these next few months. After that, my instincts tells me that is enough.

Majority of people will be against this—giving money to folks that has nothing to do with me. But I am trying to live a life of no regrets. I already lost Jobelle because I did not follow my instinct. I knew that something was going to happen between her and Jim, since January of 2012. But like all relationships, you would want to give your partner that benefit of doubt. That trust that says, you can handle this on your own without me. Well… like I said, I did not follow my instinct and allowed her to deal with it. I lost her that way..since then I have been kicking myself and giving myself such a hard time.

Now, that I am partially OK. I can breathe, think and move once more. My instincts for some reason leans towards helping her sister out a little bit. Just until debts are somewhat paid off. I won’t be paying all her debts but I will be there to help in little ways. I kept thinking to myself, why am I doing this? What’s the reason behind this? Is there a hidden agenda? There is only one question that I could really answer—that is there is no hidden agenda. I really don’t know why I am doing this, I really don’t know what’s the reason behind it. All I know is that it feels right to help out a little bit. This is what I must do.

Like anything if you believe what I believe in. Everything happens for a reason. There are no accidents. Before Jobelle, moved to a city called Bacolod in Philippines. She applied for a photography employment. Already, in that employment there was a flaw in it. The applicant needs to be single and not have a child. Jobelle has a child already. I was against this but seeing it is what she wanted, I let it go and let her be and supported her. Of course, truth will come out and her employer found out about it and so her
contract was not renewed.

Whilst she was employed there however, she met with a group of photographers in one of their Christmas functions. His name was Jim. As she told me the stories and what not. I had a sense that something was going to happen between them in a span of 3 months. As I placed my full faith and trust in her, I paid attention to it.

Come April of 2012, she changed, she was distant. Come May, I learned she created a new Facebook account and there it was, in her friends list, new friends from Bacolod. And yes, my own Facebook account was blocked from this new one. Hey, I am not the only one with multiple Facebook accounts. I use my main account though and the others for the websites I manage. It was also during this time when she asked me that she really wants to move to Manila for the last time. My gut feeling told me already, did something happened? But I didn’t, trust, faith right?

So when I finally arrived “home”, he was there…the rest is history. More about this at on this blog post—Long Distance Relationships Set To Fail?.

So this year, I vouched that I will listen to my intuition. I know my intuitions have failed me so many times, because I don’t listen to it. This loss, is the greatest of them all and it is the most challenging that I have ever overcome. As I don’t want a repeat of this, I am paying more attention to my intuitions and act accordingly.

With that said, Job (Jobelle Alaysa) safe to assume Job (Jobelle Chong – or whatever her partners real last name)—her sister, for some reason, my intuition is telling me to go and help her this year. My intuitions tells me only this year and there’s no following year. So I will do just that.

Funny thing is we weren’t meant to tell her mum about it, but I slipped. Her mum evidently is still upset with me because I am not helping Jobelle raise her family? My point and stance is and has always been. It is now Jim’s responsibility not mine. So that’s when I slipped and told her I am already helping somebody. I purposely did not mention who because she wasn’t meant to know. Of course, I slipped again after she said, that when my daughter was in the hospital I refused to help and that who eve I am helping now is not a member of her family and so she doesn’t care…. that’s when I slipped and said, it’s one of your kids. These were done via text messaging. After I wrote that, I did not get any more text messages. I guess she got embarrassed by it.

Never the less. I really don’t care. I am following my own intuition now and this is what it’s telling me. To help her. My gut feeling also told me to stop being bitter and live a harmonious life for me and to write and letter Jobelle now about and what I really feel now. Not before but now. I did just that. So I wrote her an email coming from my heart and that I am OK now. That the love she gave me whilst with me was enough to carry me through this life time. I suppose you could say, I am still in-love with her because when I started dating again. I felt that I was cheating. What’s more was that, I did not feel anything about those people I dated. At this present time, my gut also tells me, I will be alone in literal sense for the rest of my life. Living memory of Jobelle…

I hope though, that I strengthen my ties to my divine source, my divine spirit and follow through what I am meant to do in this life time so that I live a life of no regrets from her on end.

Jojie Certeza

Instagram | Twitter | Facebook Jojie Certeza is a Sydney based photography enthusiast. His passion for photography started in 2007 after being introduced by a friend who is also passionate about photography.

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