Filipino Living in Australia » Self Help » Divorced Fathers Living in Australia
Divorced Fathers Living in Australia
Life in Australia as is even harder for people who are separated. Take for example, me. My wife and I separated back in 2009 wife in 2009. Since then, I have lived a struggled, and litterally, lifeless life. You got the point? I don’t have a life. I don’t go out, I don’t see friends because I can’t afford to, time and money wise.
If I have a high paying job, it could be different. But I work as a commoner. I earn the basic award rates which puts me in a very difficult situation—cashless.
Photo by: o5com | Licence: Creative Commons (March 28, 2012)
I suppose you could say, stay with your wife and kids. Financially, we would still be struggling—but not as much as I am today. But I couldn’t live that life and chose to move on instead. So, now life just got harder for me. Thankfully, my parents are there to catch me and asked to move back with them, until I can find another way to support myself and live much more comfortably. I would have been living in my car if they didn’t want me back into their house.
Paying child support
As a father who loves his kids, I pay more than what I am supposed to pay in child support. This is my choice. I am not paying much more than what I need to though, because, I can’t afford it. If I can I will. But not now. Almost half of my monthly wages goes to child support. My ex-wife whom I have 3 kids with, and my future wife and family who still lives in Philippines.
Socialising is out
Considering that, my working hours is a shift work—we work all around the clock and so my shifts includes working at night, morning and afternoon, including weekends. My social life was non existent in the first place. But being separated to my kids made it worse, because, now, any available weekends that I can get, I do try to see my kids and spend my time there. I would rather spend my time with my kids anyway, and bond with them. They are precious and fragile little wonders and they need both their mother and father. So I chose to be with them and to show them my support and to show them that even though, their mother and father are no longer together. They are still loved and we will always be there for them.
General cost of living
Bills, debts, you know general cost of living. If say, my ex-wife and I were still together, these bills will always be there. It won’t go away. But the main issues of being separated is the child support. I wrote earlier almost half of my monthly wages goes to child support!
So, I eat, less quality food, I eat food that are cheap and try not to spend a cent so I can gain some traction of getting back to my feet by saving as much as a I can.
Being a parent
If you didn’t get what I was saying above, I meant to say, financially, fathers who are separated (and including their ex-partners) are virtually, financially ruined. But finance isn’t the only thing that gets affected. Emotional as well. My kids see less of me and being a father, my influence as a father is far less effective because, I am not active in their daily lives. That suck bad!
So, whenever I am with my kids, I try to be as influential and as positive as much as I can be so they can grow up a bit wiser and more prepared for their own lives.
Are you living in Australia and is separated or divorced? Share your stories below, I would love to hear from you and learn from you on how you are coping with this.
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Written by Jojie Certeza
Jojie Certeza migrated to Australia from Kidapawan,Philippines. Studied in Educational Multimedia which he used briefly in the industry. Now works in the Security industries. Jojie likes photography, martial arts, gaming and many more activites and he would like to share his thoughts and opinions about everyday living as he see's it. Everyone is welcome to join and contribute their Filipino-Australian stories. Disclaimer: Don't Blame Me! I am merely sharing my views and experiences and what I read. If you need help, ask a professional
Filed under: Self Help · Tags: births deaths & marriages, Lifestyle
6 Responses to "Divorced Fathers Living in Australia"
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Yep. Divorced father living in Australia is a nightmare. The Family Law System is very bias against the dad. Have written quite a fair bit of postings, including my saga, under AUSTRALIAN DADS FORUM – Help After Divorce and Separation http://dadsindistress.forumup.org/
And it’s only going to get worse for me. My supposedly future wife.. decided to call it quits after 3 years with me. We have one child together too…..
I am a divorced father, but I have custody of our child. My ex wife is supposed to pay child support, but only pays about 25% of what she should pay, as she says that to pay more would cut down her standard of living… The standard of living that she got used to while I was working.
The break up hurt me badly, and I now no longer work due to stress etc. My ex wife is a Filipina, I am Australian.
The one thing that I do have though, is the support of our daughter. Knowing that she CHOSE to stay with me gives me immense emotional support.
You got balls. I wanted to to do that… but I kept thinking if I do. Then I would have to stop work. I “had” a fiance in Philippines. I just got back last week. We have a child together but she couldn’t wait for me…. I used to give so much money over there. But now I have stopped it for the next x amount of years. Under 3 years I have provided her at least a decade long of maintenance….if she wants it continued she has to give me back my money first… (which she spent)
Hello Jojie,
Musta pare? I have found your blog in Google. I read about this and yes it is hard. I dont have a child myself but I have a friend that has a similar relationship.. i lived with him for awhile so I kinda felt it but I dont assume i know it.
Kasi dito sa Aus iba talaga yung lifestyle eh, mahirap sometimes nakakastress pa. Another big example is ang faith natin. We need God here, if we get carried away with life here it is very easy to fall.
Stay faithful pare and your daily job doesnt have to be the same too. Be inventive but dont go out of bounds off God’s border.
Hope all the best especially for this year Jojie.
Ok God bless
Frank
Thanks for sharing Frank. Yes, it is hard. But I am not a true believer in faith as normal Filipinos do – being God fearing. I am a spiritual being though.